So I’ve never really been drunk before last night.
But last night I was. And it was terrible.
I now know what it feels like, and to be honest, it feels terrible. Words pour from your mouth and you can’t help it, but you just keep talking. You try to stop yourself but you can’t. It comes out. You need to tell someone something. That’s for me, anyway.
A lot of things I said last night I’ll never repeat sober. And I will keep sober for the rest of my life from now on so no one else ever has to hear those things. In fact, I can’t even remember some of the things I said, even though at the time I definitely knew I was saying them.
It’s undeniable that once in a while you’re going to want to have that feeling again. The feeling of not caring. Of just speaking anything. But in sober truth, I don’t want it ever again. It’s dangerous. I felt like the amount of self-control I was trying to muster was insufficient. And I don’t like that lack of self-discipline and control. The feeling of not being able to control yourself and keep shut because it was too much effort. Jesus, that was a rough night.
Drinking isn’t bad, but over-drinking is.
We must never put on a façade.
We must strip away.
We must strip down to the core of our beings.
We must expose ourselves.
Feel no judgement when you perform. It is you speaking. You can be anybody. It is you. Expose yourself. Feel no shame, feel no inhibitions when you perform or when you act. If people think you weird then let them think what they will. You’re doing a good job.
When we train others, we have a responsibility to them – you owe it to them to be firm, to cut-throat and to punish when you need to. It’s not about you, not your image or leaving them as friends – it’s about helping them. And sometimes, the hard truth is that they need you to be merciless when you teach them.
Does it hurt you when they turn their back on you and talk about you? Yes. But if you teach them well enough some day they will realise why you did it, and even if they don’t – if they carry these lessons and pass them on, then to me, at least, it would have been worth it.
But in the end, even if you don’t, then the next best thing you can do is to help them afterwards. Teach them. Don’t let go. Don’t throw them into the deep end. Guide them. If you want to be a mentor instead of a trainer then mentor them throughout. Do not let them wander off into the wayward road where it’s hard to come back from. Guide them dutifully. Do your part.
In other scenario, you torture them for no reason – that isn’t good either. You barely know what you’re doing -that’s the worst. You must know and you must have a reason for all that you do to help them and teach them.
We must all learn in the end. We are not perfect – there is no one who is. But we can improve. We can always improve. It’s not about becoming another person, but rather becoming a better version of yourself and in that, helping others to do the same as well.