Things I’m not proud of

I’m not proud when I think of things that pose judgement on other people.

It may be a natural human instinct, but I’m not proud of it.  I don’t like to think of people unfavourably.  But yet I can’t help that they give me no choice.  But who are we to judge if a person possesses a “character flaw”?  What the heck does that mean for the other guy?  What does that mean for you?  Placing yourself above on some pedestal like you’re so much better.  But you’re not.  You’re imposing judgement, you’re labelling someone else.  And you may know your own flaws, but… maybe I don’t make sense.  I don’t know.

Today I thought of a quote by George Bernard Shaw found in Mrs Warren’s Profession.  “I should not have lived one life and believed in another”.  And well – that applied to two people I knew today.  Three, if you count myself.  But I can’t help it – no human can help judgement. It is a matter of whether or not we choose to vocalise it.  Someone once told me that by not vocalising I became decent.  More decent than others.  But somehow that places me at unease – why should it make me better?

Does everyone really have these thoughts?  Or it is something we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night?

I don’t like to judge people – it makes me treat them differently.  But I like to treat everyone the same.  Yet I can’t.  I try.  I really do.  Sometimes… sometimes it’s hard.

The Adventures of Odyssesus

ACSian Theatre’s Class of 2016 brought home the Distinction Award for the 2016 Singapore Youth Festival.  A great honour that I’m lucky enough to have been awarded.  I  can’t believe how blessed I am to have been able to share the stage with such amazing people – to have been a part of ACSian Theatre at all, really.

They have become my family – people that I can always count on to be there for some good cheer and to spend long nights in studios or theatres with.  People to cry with, and people to laugh with.  To get annoyed at and yet still love as deeply as you do your own kin.

Today was our last performance of our SYF piece – The Adventures of Odysseus.  And well, all adventures have an end, but that doesn’t mean that our lives stop rolling from here on out.  I must say, however, that I am rather upset that I’ll never dawn that same costume again for the same reasons.

We didn’t cry today like we did for Lady Windermere’s Fan and perhaps it is because today we performed in a foreign place – no longer the stage we call home, but a place we rented and moved into just for a day.  The feeling is very different, though people still felt a little melancholic knowing that this was our last time performing together as ACSian Theatre.

I suppose it is also because we were expected to be doing this until July.  We were going to fly off to Europe and have fun, create great memories, and bring something back for the school and the country.  But it was cancelled by the brutal forces of life and the economy.  The stark end shocked us all into numbness.  It’s possible.

However, I did enjoy today.  With all my heart and sincerity, and I can say that today was an unforgettable day.  Not because of the performance per se but because of how it made me feel.  I felt happy being with the cast mates – performing as an ensemble for the last time.  To warm-up together for the last time and to sweat together profusely on the dance mat together.  It made me feel good inside.  Like these were memories I could hold onto forever.  The last edition of those memories.

There really isn’t much of anything else to say except that this journey has made me a better person in every way possible.

 

I have ACSian Theatre to thank for half my JC life, and the lessons I’ve learnt since I stepped into ACJC in January last year.

 

I don’t want to say it’s over yet – but it seems like our days performing together, at least, are.

 

 

we are going home.